Courage
Pitfalls of Perfection
Grit and Resilience
DAVE
Hi, I'm Dave Underhill and welcome to Speak Up! Beyond causing a staggering number of infections and deaths, the COVID pandemic has also had a significant impact on our brain health. We can all relate to the mental fatigue, brain fog and other symptoms that we deal with every day. A recent study by the Harvard Medical School also suggests that even for people who didn't get COVID, the ongoing stress from the pandemic may have caused brain inflammation, with long term implications for our brain health.
Fortunately for us, our guest today is author, coach, and neurostrategist Sue Stevenson. We're going to talk about her new book, Impossible to Possible, where she takes us on a journey from a high pressure corporate job, to a life threatening diagnosis, and eventual recovery to a happier, healthier, and less stressful life.
The book is both a wake-up call and a how-to guide for anyone interested in taking care of their brain during these challenging times.
Sue, welcome to Speak Up!, and thank you for taking time to talk about your book.
SUE
I'm honored. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.
DAVE
When I read your book, I thought this has got some great recommendations and some insights and perspectives on how we can navigate these tough times.
So tell us a bit more about your thinking about what's going on today for people.
SUE
A lot of us in the last few years, as you said, have had to push through stuff. When I say pushed through, you find that grit, that resilience to just push through something really, really tough.
DAVE
You know, in your book, in the first part of it, you talk about being on the corporate fast track. Tell me a bit about your role. And when did you start to notice initially some of the impact that that was having on you personally?
SUE
The start point, and I describe in the book a period of about nine years of work, and which I worked for three different companies. And during the early years, I noticed that I became a bit of a perfectionist.
I didn't know that was one of my features, so much so that one of my colleagues had said to me, ‘Sue, we would just love you one day to make a little mistake, just do a little mistake in a presentation.’ And I remember thinking, ‘Oh, I can't do that. I can't deliberately or intentionally make a mistake.’ And he said, ‘Just one, just one.’
So he helped me change a slide. And the next day I went up and I was preparing and I said ‘I cannot do it.’ It was an error. It was a spelling error into a slide, and I took it out and changed it. But that made me realize that, ‘Wow, you have a little bit of a drive here.’ that I was not aware of before.
And so once I got into the HR world, I just I think I was focused on business. A lot of people want to look after people. They want to - they’re very much people pleasers. Well, I was kind of a businesswoman who understood the role of having the best talent in people and making sure they were in the best places and doing the right work.
And I used to get such joy when people would leave my office and they bounced down the corridor going, ‘That was a magic office. I don't know what's happening.’ And I just loved that. And eventually, that's what led me to my current work as an executive coach.
DAVE
And so you were traveling the world, working on huge, important projects. What did that lead eventually to that was like your ‘aha’ moment that something is not right?
SUE
I got a very serious, life threatening diagnosis, which was to do with the brain. And I became a brain nerd, because the first thing you do is research like crazy. You go, ‘Oh, my gosh, I've got to find out everything.’ And so that's why nowadays I'm a brain nerd. I even set up the San Diego Brain Club 12 years ago, just because I was just so obsessed with the brain.
And when my neurosurgeon told me that it was impossible, absolutely impossible to cut - He said, ‘If I cut.’ and he said, ‘I can't cut. I will kill you or lose your sight. Many things will happen. Live with the symptoms.’ And he was pretty mean and dismissive. ‘Just go home. Just live with it. You know, a lot of this mass will either grow and explode or it may disappear.’ And that was it. So I was on my own.
DAVE
You talk about and we've talked about as to how that that ‘impossible’ statement from your neurosurgeon really galvanized you to take action.
SUE
Firstly, I learned eventually how resilient I really was. I hadn't been aware of my level of resilience. And so when, as you said, the word galvanized, when he said the word ‘impossible’, there was something just built up. I go, ‘Right. That is it. I will prove this guy wrong.’ And that push-through mentality that had, I think, contributed to my success and rising up the corporate ladder was also what I then had to use to get through reversing this brain disorder.
So this concept of grit and perseverance and resilience and just saying ‘It's possible. He says it's impossible. I am proving him wrong.’ It is possible to reverse what's happening.
DAVE
Tell us a couple of stories. Who did you talk to? What did you find really valuable about that process of exploration for you to again recover and to reverse what was going on with your brain condition?
SUE
When you travel the world and hardly ever go home, it gets a bit lonely. You know, you kind of lose contact with a lot of your friends. And nowadays, I understand the value of social support in any behavior change or any big endeavor. We need social support. People around us not only to hold us accountable, but to support us, to encourage us, to say ‘you can do it’.
And I was not really using my social systems very well. It took me a while to begin to use those social systems. So I did everything alone. I just experimented. I tried. I thought about all the areas that I could try. And with all my research, I thought, well, you know, you’ve got to sleep. Sleep. You’ve got to sleep. What do you need to do to sleep? Got to eat better. What do you need to do to eat better?
You know, so for example, toxins. I learned that if you have, and I was pretty sure that I had a high level of toxins in my body from the air, from the water, from my environment, from actually growing up on a farm. I learned that this heavy metal in the soil - strontium is a Scottish village as well as a heavy metal. And as I was trying to focus on this, I had to clear out some of those heavy metals. So one strategy I took, I call them neurostrategies because they're to do with the brain, which is to have infrared saunas. And saunas are a fabulous way of just sweating out as many of the toxins as you can. That was one thing I tried.
DAVE
So let's talk a bit more about the neurostrategies, because I know that's part of your book. In your book title too, is really that you're a neurostrategist. So what did you learn about the brain in this exploration process that you're going through that you think might be helpful to people today as they're trying to navigate ongoing stress, medical challenges, etc.?
What should you keep in mind about how to nurture the brain?
SUE
I mentioned three things that were my big learnings. Pay attention to your brain. Notice when there are changes. If you have sensations that you're not used to, or you just have those jaws tightening, the typical signs of stress. But when the jaw tightens and it doesn't relax for nine years, that's a problem.
So pay attention to your brain, to your body. Really be aware of those sensations and journaling those if necessary. The second one, which was probably the biggest of all, was I learned that we can rewire our brain. It isn't the same. It isn't as we're given. We can change that wiring. We have neuroplasticity. And it means that you can believe that if something is not working or you have a behavior that's harming you, you can change it.
You can if you're addicted to something, you can. It's very, very tough. But you can. It's the belief that with the right support, the right information, the right help, if necessary medical, you can change your brain and reverse disease.
DAVE
What was it - a practice or a new behavior that you learned about specifically around the brain that was helpful to you? So give me give me an example of what you do differently now than maybe you used to do.
SUE
Humor. I learned that if you, while you are anxious and then you laugh, the anxiety fades from you. It's very hard to be in two states at the same time, both anxious and laughing. I began to look into humor as a method almost of mindfulness or of changing my brain state, changing my mindset.
And I even went and did a graduate program in humor called Humor Academy. I'm now a Certified Humor Professional. Some people think I'm, CHP is a California Highway Patrol, but no, Certified Humor Professional. Bringing humor into work, bringing humor into everything, even play.
I have really focused on play. We have intentional play in our household all the time. We're lucky we have a puppy who helps us with that play, but we go to the beach and we see how high we can jump just on the sand. We do silly things, but it just again helps with calming down that brain and the vagal system, which is integral to how we how our nervous system works.
DAVE
That's great. You know, when I think of humor, I also think of humanness. And I think especially nowadays, we are trying to keep our humanness, our connection with each other. And so to me, that's a great strategy of finding humor. Whatever your sense of humor is, either personally or with other people, is a way to de-stress, but also to stay connected.
SUE
The other one big thing that I did that I've learned of an activity is photography. I actually took up photography during that period, and now the idea of planning travel to somewhere really with nature in its most awesome form. I've been to Antarctica this year. I've been to Greenland, and you can see the aurora behind me.
And I just relish, you know, savor the awe of the moment, the grandeur of the mountains, the beauty of the iceberg. And that definitely helps me again, keeping my brain, which it is now in a beautiful, joyful place and the outdoors.
DAVE
I think we're hearing a lot about the benefit of getting out in the woods or even into a park or near the water and things like that. And I remember in your book there's dozens, if not more, different strategies that you tried out to help you recover. That to me was like, wow, this is a great story about your recovery. This really is relevant to what people are going through today.
SUE
And on the nature - last night at our brain club meeting, the topic of forest bathing came up. So this is a new one. It's not in my book. And now I'm going to research. Well, what is forest bathing? This technique of keeping our humanness, keeping us grounded and keeping healthy.
DAVE
As I read through the book and as you and I talked about the interview that we're doing today, I got the sense that there are two journeys that you've been on. One is your fast track, medical challenge, and recovery journey that we've been talking about. The second journey really is deciding to write your book Impossible to Possible.
You talked about in the book how you really didn't share what was going on with you during a really tough time in your life personally, professionally. What was it that kicked in eventually for you that said, ‘I want to tell my story’, and what have you learned so far?
Once you published the book, what have you learned about yourself and about using your voice?
SUE
Well, as you said, quite rightly, I didn't want to tell anyone. I really just wanted to close my front door or go into my house and curl up and, I don't know, and not live. But I learned that I wanted to survive. I wanted to get back to, you know, thriving and having a joyful life and a healthy life.
So I only told nine people at first, for quite a long time. It was only nine. And I keep them updated and they became my support group. And then I realized that maybe, you know, there's something about speaking up and maybe I would be helping others if I could just find a way to speak up. And I found an organization who invited me to join their board called The Invisible Disabilities Association.
I began to think about how would I speak up? I did a presentation at the Association of Applied and Therapeutic Humor. So I did one presentation that went over well, and people seemed to be receptive. So when COVID hit and overnight I lost 90% of my work. I said, ‘Now is the time. This is the moment to start writing the book.’
DAVE
I know the book has just recently come out. I loved it. What's been the reaction of people who read the book and reached back out to you?
SUE
It's been so positive. People are saying, ‘Oh my goodness, I resonated with your journey’. That would be one group of people who are women who travel all the time, often with men, who are in maybe an executive team where they're the only woman. That is one group that really resonates with this.
It's a broader audience than I had anticipated. Those people who have been saying to me, ‘Sue, I tried some of your strategies on sleep and I am actually getting better sleep and I feel better.’
DAVE
I saw in the book that there are different stories within the book that people could relate to, whether it be career, whether it be medical, whether it be ongoing stressful situations that they're dealing with. So I saw the same thing that there's lots of good learning for many different audiences in the book.
SUE
And then there's also the learning about what to do when you have maybe a diagnosis of something that's life threatening. You're, one, seeking better social support than I did. Taking a friend to medical appointments. I cannot stress how important that is. Or a spouse. I had a friend that wrote everything down.
When you're in that that state of mind where you're worried about the results of tests or you're concerned about this next medical appointment, have a friend go with you not just for support, but to write notes, because inevitably, when you leave… ‘What did the doctor say?’ ‘What did the surgeon say?’ And we don't always recall it because we have an element of stress and cognitive impairment that may happen while we're so anxious about the diagnosis or the test results.
DAVE
And I'm like, I mentioned to you, I've been there with my brother and my father, too, that they both had a life threatening diagnosis and prognosis. And I went along to make sure that we were both documenting what was being communicated back and forth. So I thought that's an important strategy. I think, again, two things. One is making sure you're capturing all the information that you need to be on your recovery path. And two, it's really building your social network, too.
SUE
It seems like many people I come across who don't have a diagnosis, they have, you know, maybe they're just chronically tired or they're depressed or something has changed and they don't understand what's going on. And maybe their tests are clear and they still don't have a diagnosis. And that's really tough when you don't know what to fix.
So my attitude, I didn't have a diagnosis for a long time, so my attitude was I realized it was inflammation. The body gets inflamed, the brain has inflammation. So what could I do to reduce inflammation? So all my actions were all about inflammation in the body, in the brain.
DAVE
This is great. I know there's a lot more in the book. So let's talk about if people want to get the book, Impossible to Possible, where would they go?
SUE
Well, the good news is it’s on Amazon and the good news is, you see my face and a bright red jacket. You see my face when you find the book on Amazon and I am on Instagram and Facebook. Often I come up under Scottish Sue. I'm known as Scottish Sue, so I can do a wee bit of Scottish. That's my other humor part. And so I can be found on Instagram just with Sue Stevenson or on LinkedIn.
It's probably my primary place.
DAVE
We’ll make sure that people get that information because it's a great book and a great resource for the challenging and stressful times that we're in. So Sue, thank you again. It's been an honor to talk to you and to hear your story once again.
SUE
And thank you so much, Dave. I really appreciate you giving me this opportunity and it did fill me with a bit of anxiety because again, sharing the stories is tough, but I think it's important.
So the journey is never over. That's the other thing. It is just never over. So I am continuously trying to improve, pay attention, improve my brain. And I never give up.
